You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
