I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
