Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
