At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
