If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
