She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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