We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
