dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
