Jerry, you need to find god
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
