bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
