The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have fence marks all over my body
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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