there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
