I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
