capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
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Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
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She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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