I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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