i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
