I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
