I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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