No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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