It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
