well I can't set my house on fire every night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
