Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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