The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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