Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
