This is not my ceiling
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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