There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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