I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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