3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
