yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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