1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
