He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
