Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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