guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
