she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
