i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
