I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
