I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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