My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Enjoy the penises
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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