im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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