I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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