I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Oh god it's open bar.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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