tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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