Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
