I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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