im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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