we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
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I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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