i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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