My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
