he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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