woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My feet surprised me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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