That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
