I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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