Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
