worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
