he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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