Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
