Swine flu is the new snow day.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
