ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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