The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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