It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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