So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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