So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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