Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
