Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
