So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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