You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
