I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
