After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
