so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
