Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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