I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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