My first STD was from a foam party
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
