I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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