$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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